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Take a bereavement for instance – I totally understand why you might want to reach out at this time but there a couple of things that reveal where you’re really at: your method of expressing your condolences and what you expect or do after these condolences have been expressed. Send a card and flowers, pick up the phone, or go around and pay your respects if there is an open house or a set time to do so.Sending a text or posting something on their Facebook page? Equally, if all you’re doing is a genuine expression of your condolences, there shouldn’t be any thinking about getting back together, sleeping with them, or feeling that you have to stick around to get them through this time because you’re not in their life anymore and you’re not the only person capable of providing support, especially because you’re supposed to be NC. With this in mind, here are some more tips for navigating these situations: 1. I’ve heard enough painful stories of exes that suddenly got back in touch around a bereavement, birthday etc, swooped in with a whole load of big promises and showboating, acted like they were The Most Supportive Partner Ever™… There are too many people who associate the painful loss of their parent or a milestone birthday with an ex. If you’re mostly thinking about your own internal drama, you’re not really thinking about him/her and you are in fact projecting.
It would be impossible for me to include a comprehensive listing; but if you have a specific situation you would like some input on, email me. *I have a friend who calls me incessantly to the point that it fills my voice mail and even cost my a job interview. “All friendships and relationships have boundaries and you are overstepping ours.
So, for example, when their team wins in a big sporting event, that can set off the temptation to reach out.
These occasions become opportunities to ensure that you haven’t been forgotten and to place yourself front and centre in their mind.
In fact, this really applies to most occasions but birthdays in particular because they’re personal.
If it’s your birthday and you start NC and they don’t get in touch and it’s only been a short time since starting NC, you may feel compelled to tell them all about themselves or go attention seeking.
Sometimes it’s not that you’re remembering, more that you’re experiencing the grief that comes with the hopes you had for being with them for this occasion (it might have been the first) not being realised.